So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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