Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
