The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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