Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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