I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
