Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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