Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
