I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize