Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
