every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
