So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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