Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
