i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
