I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
