I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
