i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
