what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
