It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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