The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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