Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
