"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
