The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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