it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
