two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
