wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
