okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
