Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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