I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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