i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
