So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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