ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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