wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
