I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
