haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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