dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize