peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
