I hate all girls vehemently.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
