So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
