alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
