i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
