well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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