Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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