I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
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A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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