Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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