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I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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