i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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