please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
