God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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