we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
