How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
