My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
