You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
4 words: hood of his car
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
