she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
