im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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