also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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