I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
