I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
