you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
