Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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