I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Is Oprah even human
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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