I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
