Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
