Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
