im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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