This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
