you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
