wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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