I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
