put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize